Choose to Be a Low-Maintenance Person
Some people are high-maintenance. They demand much. They have a way of demanding and requiring much of other people. High-maintenance people may demand much attention, much emotional energy, and a high level of financial resources. They can be particular, insisting that things go a certain way or they just aren’t pleased. Very often, in a family of five, much energy can be spent toward trying to satisfy the particular wants of one individual. (Note: I do realize that for reasons beyond one’s control, a person can be high-maintenance. One can be physically impaired and may need much attention and energy from other people. In this post, however, I am speaking of an attitude.)
I want to be a low-maintenance person. Low-maintenance people are not demanding or insistent. They choose to be happy and content in the situation even though it may not be ideal. For instance, suppose you go to lunch with a friend and she suggests meeting at a certain restaurant. You sense she really wants to go to that particular restaurant. It is not exactly your favorite place or the place you would have chosen. But that is okay. You don’t make a big deal out of it. You make the most of it because you realize that there is a larger purpose for getting together than just eating lunch.
As a low-maintenance person, you don’t have to always turn the attention in a conversation toward yourself. Perhaps you’ve known people who have a way of shifting most any conversation toward themselves. "That’s nothing! You should have seen what happened to me." They seem to be comfortable only when others are focused on them.
As a low-maintenance person, you can be someone who is easy to get along with. Perhaps you know people who very regularly seem to be upset with their friends. Yes, there are sometimes conflicts in friendships. I’m not talking about typical conflicts and disagreements that are just a part of human relationships. Instead, I am referring to people who demand tremendous emotional energy from anyone who is in relationship with them.
As a low-maintenance person, I can take the pressure off the relationship. I’ve known marriages in which one person was so demanding that the other felt under constant pressure to somehow please him/her. So, this person purchases items that they can not afford because the other person just couldn’t be "happy" with anything less.
Finally, as a low-maintenance person, you have the opportunity to live with gratitude. You can be thankful for anyone’s expression of kindness, love, or good will.
- Your dad bought tickets to the ball game. No, you will not be in the best seats. However, at least you get to go to the game.
- Your children bought you a gift at the store. Yes, it is "different." However, isn’t it wonderful that they would buy you a gift?
- You and your family sit down at the table to eat dinner. No, your favorite rolls are not on the table. But think — someone has spent a great deal of time preparing this food.
- Your friend just got a promotion at work. Yes, he talked non-stop about the situation. However, this is a big deal for him. Couldn’t you just let this be his moment?
Now this might be worth thinking about this week.
I came across your site while perusing CT as I do everyday. Very nice place that I’ll return to, as I too am a seeker.
I’ve been married to a low maintenance person for 27 years. What a gift!! LM people like my wife seem to display the character of Christ with ease – they’re born with it. During our marriage, I’m afraid it’s been all about me and my dreams – big things and little things and everyday things. But I’m determined that we’ll realize some of her dreams too. I’m working those during the next 27 years.
Thanks for the tip–in some areas I feel like I’m fairly low maintenance, but definitely high maintenance in some others. Thanks for the challenge to take the focus off of me and place it on others–especially God. Life does not revolve around me, much as I would like it to at times! I needed the reminder!
Thanks for your thoughts, Jim.
High maintenance persons in the church can drain the energy out of pastors and parishioners, in which so much time is spent dealing with such persons, there is little energy left for other ministry.
I also have a few colleagues who are high maintenance and they continually struggle with their vocation.
May I resolve today to be low maintenance by taking the focus off myself, concentrating my day on God and others.
Dale Galloway refers to these people as EGR – extra grace required. I am not sure how I feel about it as it sure would be easier if everyone were low maintenance and I do think it is a worthwhile goal for everyone to strive for that. But I do wonder how those people are part of the body also in all of their particular weaknesses and foibles. We all have them but some are harder to deal with than others. I wonder if these aren’t the people that help us be more like Jesus as we are really challenged in loving them unconditionally.
I love/hate your blog. I love it because it always convicts me. I hate it because it always convicts me of things I try and ignore. This post hit me in the gut and I have a lot to think about today.
George,So glad you came by. Thanks for your comment. How wonderful to come to the realization that your relationship/ministry to your wife needs to head in a different direction the next "27 years." What a blessing to come to that awareness.
Lisa,Thanks for what you said. You are right. Some of us can be very low-maintenance in some areas while we are high-maintenance in others.
Allan,Thank you for addressing this issue on several different levels–people in the church, our friends and colleagues, and ourselves. You remind us that we deal with this on a number of fronts.
Matt,You make a good point. I do think if might be useful to recognize that some people are more high-maintenance and even draining that others. I say that not as a point of criticism but to recognize the impact some people might have on my own energy level.For instance, I don’t know how wise it is (for me anyway) to deliberately schedule time with four or five high-maintenance back-to-back in a given afternoon. Dealing with all kinds of people is a part of ministry. However, I might be able to give someone better time and be fully present if I handle my time with a little more wisdom.I’ve learned this the hard way. 🙂
You are KILLING my toes!
I would like to "ditto" what Erin said. I was thinking you were on my toes….Like Lisa I think of myself as low maintenance but some of this kind of "smarted".
Thanks!
Absolutely.
Erin,I can appreciate what you said about the love/hate. Been there. (In fact, I AM there at times). Glad the post was helpful in some way today.
That Girl,Sorry about the toes. Nevertheless, thanks for the feedback.
Donna,Sorry about the toes. Hopefully some of this post was helpful in some way.
I very much appreciate my low maintenance friends. Thanks for reminding me how much of a blessing they are. High maintenance folks really wear me out. 🙂
I have been reading your blog for several months. You write some really good stuff. This post reminded me of the way I introduced myself to a new pastor once. He thought I was talking down about myself, when I said I was a low-maintenance member. I had to explain that I would not be calling on him every day about little stuff, and he would not need to be worried about me leaving the church if I happened to miss a service once in awhile. I think every pastor needs some folks that are low maintenance, so he will have more time to tend w/the high maintenance ones.
Hey Jim, good thoughts – very characteristic of you – being intentional about being lm I mean. As you say we are all going to need attention at times; but whenever I’m just being selfish, it helps if I am treated as a lm person and not with extra grace. Sometimes the squeaky wheel needs to be ignored, not greased; just turn up the radio!
Danny,Reading your comment was a reminder to me of the importance of appreciating those people who are low-maintenance and can sometimes be taken for granted. Thanks.
Carla,What a gift you were giving to this pastor! Did this minister realize later on the significance of what you were saying?
Darryl,Thanks for this comment. You’ve thought about this one!