Tag: Ministry

Expectations are everything!

So what do you expect?

This is a huge issue for many ministers. Far too many of us have very unrealistic expectations of ourselves, our work, and the congregations we serve.

At this point, someone might want to quickly interject, “But I think we ought to have high standards. Isn’t the bar already very low?” OK. Good point.

Yet, I want to suggest that we make assumptions and then move toward unrealistic expectations. These assumptions and expectations might include:

• If I work very, very hard, people will appreciate me and know I am competent and worthwhile.
• If I do a good job with my ministry, the key leaders in my congregation will certainly support and affirm me.
• If I just explain and prove to my key leaders what we need to do as a church, they will see that this is obviously the approach that ought to be taken.
• If I am competent and skilled, the congregation I serve will grow and we will experience few problems.

Maybe some of us have expectations of ourselves and others that are far too high, while our expectations of God are far too low.

Does any of this sound familiar? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Did you know that ministry can make you feel as if you are losing your mind?

Ok. Maybe it is not supposed to be that way but I do know many people who have experienced this. I certainly have at times. I am going to list four ways this happens and next week will give four more reasons.

How you can feel like you are losing your mind:

1. You can lead out of your anxiety (“Did anyone complain this morning?”) instead of your conviction (“How did God work in the life of the congregation this morning?”). Anxious leaders live in a constant state of reaction. For them, a good Sunday morning is when no one complains. Yet, is this the way God wants us to evaluate our assemblies? Somehow I can’t imagine Paul evaluating the church based on the reactions of people.

2. You can spend a lot of energy trying to convince people to agree with you. This is quite different than communicating clearly how you arrived at this conclusion yourself. It is one thing for me to tell people what I believe. It is quite another to give a 10-point plan. Far better to calmly take a position or stand and attempt to clearly explain how you arrived at this conclusion, acknowledging that good people may differ.

3. You can be overly focused on what others say or want and lose sight of where you are going. It is one thing to be aware of what people think and feel. It is good to invite input and collaboration. Yet, far too many leaders become frozen in indecision. Somehow we get stuck in the murkiness of the swamp. I learned this years ago as I heard a church leader say, “You know we will do whatever the people want to do.” I remember thinking, “This is why the conflict is so intense at this congregation.” Being stuck in indecision, it heightened the tension in the congregation.

4. You can talk repeatedly about what someone said or did that was wrong, creating a cloud of negativity over the group. Consequently, the group meetings have a very negative emphasis which cause you to feel as if you are losing your encouragement and energy.

(More next Thursday)

Question:

Which one of these have you experienced most often? What has been the impact on you?

I was once at a conference with mostly ministers and other church leaders in attendance. A friend of mine came in late the first evening. The room was full but there was an empty seat on a back row.

The guy took this seat. Meanwhile, the conference began and our host proceeded to welcome us to the campus. I glanced at my friend. He had only been seated for about two minutes when he said “hello” to the person on his left. This guy was a teacher at the institution hosting the seminar. This guy looked at my friend and mumbled something. He then immediately got up from his chair and moved elsewhere in the room.

I witnessed this scene and thought, “Wow, we spend a lot of money to conduct conferences like this one. Guest speakers are here from different parts of the country. The point is to encourage church leaders. Yet, we can’t even say hello and sit with these ministers.”   

Many ministers, preachers, pastors, and elders are very weary.

What creates weariness?

I’m not quite sure. But I do know what contributes to it. For many of us, this is not a weariness that comes from reading a book for hours or having a fascinating discussion into the wee hours of the morning.
Rather, I am referring to the kind of weariness that comes from the work of ministry.

Where does weariness come from?

• Weariness is to spend hours and hours with a couple about their marriage only to see them divorce.
• Weariness is to see the church respond so graciously to a family who has been burned out by a fire only to see them place membership at another church three months later.
• Weariness is to pray for an opportunity to invite your neighbor to church only to see some of your friends walk past her without speaking.
• Weariness is to be in a church situation characterized by much strife and tension.
• Weariness is knowing you need to have thick skin, but the insults and rude comments are becoming too much.
• Weariness is to see the long, slow death of someone in your congregation. Then the funeral. Exhausting.
• Weariness is to realize that you are deeply disappointed regarding other church leaders who have behaved immaturely in a recent church situation.

Can you relate to any of these?

(You might find encouragement in: Matthew 11:25-30; Psalm 63; and Joshua 1.)

What causes ministry to be draining?

1. We can lead out of our anxiety (“Did anyone complain this morning?”) instead of our conviction (“How did God work in the life of the congregation this morning?”). Such leaders live in a constant state of reaction. For them, a good Sunday morning is when no one complains. Yet, is this the way God wants us to evaluate our assemblies?

2. We can spend a lot of energy trying to convince people to agree with us. This is quite different than communicating clearly how we arrived at a conclusion ourselves. Far better to calmly take a position or stand and attempt to clearly explain how you arrived at a conclusion, acknowledging that good people may differ.

3. We can be overly focused on what others say or want and lose sight of where we are going. It is one thing to be aware of what people think and feel. It is good to invite input and collaboration. Yet, far too many leaders become frozen in indecision.

4. We can talk repeatedly about what someone said or did that was wrong, and create a cloud of negativity over the group.

5. We can attempt to make everybody happy. We can live with the illusion that there is some way that we can achieve this in our church. As a result, progress loses out to the pursuit of happiness.

What Christian leaders can do to develop more endurance:

1. Deal with the elephants in the room. Name them and write them down. What is sucking the life and energy out of our minister group or elder group? You know the elephants. This is what church leaders often talk about on the parking lot after the meeting.

2. Make a decision, no matter how small, and follow through. Indecision is a huge energy drainer. Even decisions that may seem relatively small but are followed by one step forward can give great encouragement to a leadership and congregation.

3. Focus on your own functioning instead of focusing on everyone else.  “What are you going to say?” “What are you going to do?” “How will you choose to spend your time at work?” If you will focus on your emotional growth, your spiritual growth, and your growth as a leader, you will experience less stress.

4. When you focus on yourself and your own functioning, you will be calmer and more relaxed. That, in turn relaxes others.