Tag: God-Hungry

Ministry Inside.73

Each Thursday I post “Ministry Inside” specifically for church leaders. I think these might be helpful. It does me good to explore these issues.coffeeA.jpg

I have been wondering lately about church leaders who stretch themselves while others basically remain the same. Those who stretch and grow often do so by developing good habits.

Below are four actions to take if you want to grow spiritually.

Now some of us take a “Eureka!” approach to ministry. That is, we seem to always be looking for the missing ingredient. Someone reads a book and believes he has found it. Still another attends an incredible seminar and now sees this perspective as it. Then someone else visits a congregation on the other side of the country and perceives this church to possess the real deal.

As helpful as a book, seminar, or church visit might be, a church leader’s growth typically is not centered on eureka moments. Yes, there may be some breakthroughs in your thinking or practice. However, the growth that will sustain you over the long run is typically less dramatic.

Take these four actions:

1. Step forward. Do something. Reading, thinking, and reflecting are very important even indispensable. However, ministry is not simply a seminar of ideas. At some point it is time to start. Start small, but start. Far too often I have waited until I was fully prepared or knew enough. Preparation and knowledge are important but at some point it is time to move ahead. Remember that the first step is not about trying to get others to do something. The first step is your own.

2. Step away. Make sure you take adaquate time for reading and thinking. Don’t worry about reading the latest. Read what matters. Step away and go to a great seminar. Take a class. Audit something. Check out the many opportunities to learn through iTunesU. Talk to people you admire and appreciate and find out what they do for their growth.

3. Step up. Some people make excuses (If we only had a better preacher or the right elders.) Others try to make things happen through manipulation instead of doing the hard work of leadership. Church leaders who are maturing step up and deal with their own functioning and their own maturity (or immaturity). People who are maturing focus on how they can take responsibility for their own behavior, words, and actions. Does my functioning reflect that I am maturing or that I am stuck in immaturity?

4. Step back. Reflect on what is happening. Seek out a few trusted people with whom you can process what is happening in the life of your congregation and, in particular, your own functioning. Step back and consider your actions in a conversation, a meeting, a sermon, etc. What is the perception of your spouse and other people whose wisdom you trust?   

Question:

Which one of the above has been particularly helpful to you? Is there one that deserves more attention from you?

Make a Difference By Showing Up

Why not consider one of the most powerful ways of loving someone?baylorballpark.jpg

This week I participated in the funeral of longtime Baylor baseball coach Mickey Sullivan. He was a member of our congregation. The funeral was held at Baylor Ballpark. Former players and former coaches spoke (along with the present baseball coach, Steve Smith) as well as one of my co-workers.

I was especially impressed with the large number of people who just showed up.

Don’t ever underestimate the importance of just showing up!

Friends show up for one another.

We might show up at funerals.
We might show up at weddings.
We might show up at special birthday parties.
We might show up at the hospital.
We might show up when our friend is being recognized or receiving a special award.

There is something to be said for just showing up. Being present. Being fully engaged.

My mother-in-law modeled this throughout our children’s high school years. She lives in Alabama. We live in Texas. Yet, once a year she would manage to come to our home during the school year. She went to the games and other special events with us. When she was here, she was present and fully engaged in the world of my girls.

Friends are no different. It is important to show up for occasions that are meaningful or important in some way to our friends. Can you show up for everything? Of course not. Showing up for the ball game of a friend’s child eliminates the possibility of showing up for something else that evening. The other night we went to a friend’s wedding in Abilene, Texas. Being there eliminated the possibility of showing up for anything else that concerned a friend. You have to pick and choose. And, it may be more important to show up for some occasions than for others.

Once our youngest daughter was in the hospital for several days. She was severely dehydrated. We were very concerned because of the severity of the dehydration. Within a few hours, a friend of ours showed up at the hospital. He softly knocked on Jamie’s hospital room door and I opened it. He motioned for me to come out into the hall. As I stepped into the hall, Jay put his arm around my shoulder and softly prayed a brief prayer for Jamie’s health. Each day he called, leaving messages on my cell phone. The night before she was released, he and his wife came by bringing presents for her. What did he do?

He showed up.

I really think this matters.


What do you think? Can you recall a time that was particularly important to you because a friend or family member showed up?

Monday Start (Resources for the Week)

Thinking about ministry? start-here-page.png

The Subtle Art of Sabotaging a Pastor by Jared Wilson.

Killing the clergy softly: Congregational conflict, job loss, and depression by David Briggs. (Thanks to Scot McKnight.) There is so much truth to this. I have seen it often, particularly in congregations that value peace above anything else. As a result, they allow immature and destructive behavior to continue.

Be an encourager today by Kevin Martineau. I can’t overemphasize the importance of this ministry.


Thinking about your life?

Extending the narrative by Seth Godin. A great post in which Seth Godin explains our attraction to what is safe.

Write Something Dangerous by Jeff Goins. Jeff specifically addresses writing but the principle is true on a number of fronts. Far too often, we play it safe, which in reality can be quite dangerous. Jeff’s advice:

Right now, you just need to write. Those rationalizations are good, old-fashioned stall tactics. They’re fear speaking, loud and clear. Everything will fall into its place. Trust me. Trust yourself. This will work. But only if you are brave. If you write dangerously.

Sticky faith by Drew Dyck. Notice the opening sentence to his post: My low point as a youth pastor came years after I quit.

7 Steps to Becoming a Happy Person Others Want to Be Around by Michael Hyatt. Sometimes gifted, resourceful people actually damage their own credibility by their attitude. In other words, they may have a great deal of knowledge but people don’t want to be around them because of their attitude. A post worth reading!

Guest Post: Walter Petticrew

Walter Petticrew recently left a comment on this blog in which he discussed some of the important practices of his family. I thought these were very good and needed to be read by our regular readers.

My wife and I have two children. Our son, and elder child had muscular dystrophy and passed away two years ago, shortly before his 20th birthday. Our daughter, now 19, is getting ready for college. So raising our children was different in many wfamily01.pngays. However there are some principles that, looking back, I would say shaped all of us and continue to do so today.

*Spend time with your children. My time was bath time with them. We would spend a minimum of an hour. It gave my wife some well-deserved rest and was the best transition time from work to home. The tradition of the bathtub was for me to make up stories while they played. It got to the point where we had a favorite character, “Oscar the Turkey,” so each night we had a new adventure of what Oscar was up to next.

*Life is not fair; yet in the hand we are dealt, God is with us. We knew this was the case for us, but it becomes even more clear each day now. There is grace and blessing everywhere; but when you are in the thick of it the grace can be hard to see. That leads to….

*Patience. (God’s and our). God knew what we were in and revealed to us all the blessings in the hardships

*Honesty. It has always been a foundation in our home. We had to be honest with our children and they demanded the same of us. It can be hard. I recall the exact moment when our son, then six, said, “I am going to die because of my disease.” We never gave him a false hope or said “Don’t worry about it.” We told him the truth.

*As a father, I took it upon myself to make sure we had a lot of smiles. My wife is a natural in this category, but I feel that dads need to show kids examples of “good crazy,” such as getting out of the car after work and jumping in the pool with your kids with your clothes on.

*Show appropriate affection to your wife in all matters. They must see you hug and kiss and love. Then invite them in for a group hug and in that hug pray over the family. Family hugs and prayer are meant for each other. Take advantage of that.

*Have night and morning prayer time with your children. My daughter, 19, still will not leave for school or the house without me praying for her before she leaves. Your children want you to pray for them.

*Be in a Bible study and let your children watch you study. I was very fortunate. I have been active in a Monday night Bible study for over 12 years. Each night when I got home and put my son to bed, he would always ask “What did you learn in Bible study?” We would spend a good hour talking about it.

*Be the kind of house and family that will cause your kid’s friends to want to spend time there. One of our regular events (still is) has been the fire pit. It got to the point where on almost every weekend my son’s friends would ask if we could have a fire pit that night. This went on from 4th grade and continues to this day. Even now, some of my son’s friends, even though they are in college, will come and spend a weekend with us. We always had a great mix of laughs and serious dialogue. We earned the trust of the kids in our neighborhood, and it was always a time to invite Christ into their lives.

One last note: If possible make sure they know their grandparents. It is very important for both of them.

Ministry Inside.72


What causes ministry to be draining?coffee46.jpg

1. We can lead out of our anxiety (“Did anyone complain this morning?”) instead of our conviction (“How did God work in the life of the congregation this morning?”). Such leaders live in a constant state of reaction. For them, a good Sunday morning is when no one complains. Yet, is this the way God wants us to evaluate our assemblies?

2. We can spend a lot of energy trying to convince people to agree with us. This is quite different than communicating clearly how we arrived at a conclusion ourselves. Far better to calmly take a position or stand and attempt to clearly explain how you arrived at a conclusion, acknowledging that good people may differ.

3. We can be overly focused on what others say or want and lose sight of where we are going. It is one thing to be aware of what people think and feel. It is good to invite input and collaboration. Yet, far too many leaders become frozen in indecision.

4. We can talk repeatedly about what someone said or did that was wrong, and create a cloud of negativity over the group.

5. We can attempt to make everybody happy. We can live with the illusion that there is some way that we can achieve this in our church. As a result, progress loses out to the pursuit of happiness.

What Christian leaders can do to develop more endurance:

1. Deal with the elephants in the room. Name them and write them down. What is sucking the life and energy out of our minister group or elder group? You know the elephants. This is what church leaders often talk about on the parking lot after the meeting.

2. Make a decision, no matter how small, and follow through. Indecision is a huge energy drainer. Even decisions that may seem relatively small but are followed by one step forward can give great encouragement to a leadership and congregation.

3. Focus on your own functioning instead of focusing on everyone else.  “What are you going to say?” “What are you going to do?” “How will you choose to spend your time at work?” If you will focus on your emotional growth, your spiritual growth, and your growth as a leader, you will experience less stress.

4. When you focus on yourself and your own functioning, you will be calmer and more relaxed. That, in turn relaxes others.


One of the Most Powerful Tools for Any Leader



You have a tool at your disposal that can make an incredible difference in the life of your child, spouse, congregation, or the people you work with.

tools-icon.jpg

Your encouragement can make such a difference in the life of another.

Yet, for some reason, some people seem to make no effort to encourage another. Instead, they are draining, lifeless, and even discouraging.

Let me challenge you to choose to be encouraging.


Communicate words of encouragement.

Words are extremely powerful (Proverbs 3:27-28).  

Encouragers look for ways to compliment and to affirm. What is this person doing right? What is she doing that adds value to the people around her.  Do you know how many people long to hear a “well done”?

Express the high value of another person.

We encourage when we speak to one another in a way that communicates dignity and respect. When we do this, we are telling another “I value you.”   

My friend Doug once said it like this (regarding a man we both looked up to): “He talks to you as if you were a very important person. He makes you want to come up to a higher standard.” Recently, a young woman mentioned a couple that they have been friends with for a long time. She said, “They have a way of elevating the conversations.”

I know a school teacher who once interacted with a young girl in her first grade class and discovered that she was very poor. She had no father present. She wore small flip-flops to school and large dresses, regardless of the weather.  One day she wore a dress held together by diaper pins. This teacher arranged for this girl to finally have some clothes that fit her. A lady at the teacher’s church bought new shoes for the girl.

A lady at church gave that teacher money for clothes and then some shoes. One day, Charlotte asked the kids: “If you could wish for one thing for Christmas, what would it be? One girl said, “I wish my daddy could get out of prison.” Another girl said, “I wish we had a car.” The six-year-old who had been wearing diaper pins on her dresses said, “I wish I had a doll.” She told her teacher that she had never had a doll. A gentleman at the teacher’s church saw to it that she got a doll.

One day she asked her teacher: “Why are all of these good things happening to me?” She continued to press and finally her teacher said, “There are some nice people who love God who have bought these things.” Then this little girl said: “God is nice. I think I like God.”

What had happened? This teacher had expressed high value to this little girl.


Pay attention to the work of God in others lives.

Have you seen God take the worst of the circumstances in your life and turn them into good news? Have you seen God turn a frustrating person into someone who has become sweet and considerate?

We can learn to pay attention to what God is doing and then encourage others where he seems to be at work.


Picture a special future for another person.

There are times when you must wonder if you are doing anything right at all. Are you getting through? Yet, to encourage is to envision what a person could become in Christ. It is to believe that we are not limited by our mistakes, bad habits, or vulnerabilities. Encouragers believe that in Christ, people really can change.

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Monday Start (Resources to Begin the Week)

For the past several Mondays, I have been posting a number of links to articles, posts, books, etc. that I have found helpful. (You might consider subscribing to this blog by e-mail. You can subscribe here.)


For Your Thinking

You might enjoy reading this post by Michael Barber, a young Catholic scholar entitled “New Document Promotes Priority of Scripture in Theology.” Very interesting. (Thanks to Scot McKnight for this post.)

Ernest Hemingway’s favorite books.

Audio of James Bryan Smith (and others) from the recent Aprentis Institute conference in Dallas. These talks flow out of The Apprentice Series.

I am not sure how I became aware of this, but this magazine, which targets women, looks very interesting. (As the father of two adult daughters, I am interested in publications that speak to women and the values of those publications.)


You might enjoy the following regarding productivity and organization.

Jeff Goins has written a great post entitled The Best Way to Pursue Your Life’s Work. I found this post very helpful. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed by my work, I find that I am attempting to start big instead of small.

Also see his very fine post: 3 Important Habits for Building Influence that Matters.


The Messiness of Raising Children (Our Attempt)

Today is our oldest daughter’s birthday. It has hard to believe that 29 years ago, we had our first baby. Now Christine and her sister Jamie, are grown and have families of their own.

I recently thought about the years we were together as a family. We were all learning together. We certainly made lots of mistakes. However, as I think back to the many conversations Charlotte and I had about our children, this is what I recall:

family01.png

1. We tried to establish consistent habits such as reading Bible stories at bedtime, praying together, and eating meals together.

2. We never wanted to put pressure on them because they were a minister’s children. We tried to communicate they were children of God, just like everyone else.

3. We talked about our faith and God at home. We did so as a part of our everyday lives.

4. We attempted to be consistent in what we taught our children through our words and actions.

5. We went on family vacations together. Some of the most signifiant conversations occurred late at night when one parent was driving while one of the children rode in the front seat.

6. We tried to communicate again and again, God’s care and concern for them. We did this each night when we put them to bed. Later we attempted to do this through notes, conversations and prayer.

7. We wanted our children to see that our lives did not center around them but around God. This can take enormous pressure off children. Rather, they see that we have a higher purpose outside ourselves.

8. We attempted to communicate basic godly virtues such as honesty, truth-telling, and patience.

Again, we did this imperfectly.

Question:

What has been important to you in raising your children?

Ministry Inside.71

What is this going to cost?PickBattles.jpg

I have a limited amount of money. It does not expand beyond my paycheck each month. Therefore I need to live within our budget and think about what I purchase. After all, if I purchase something today, I may not have the money to purchase something else tomorrow. There is a limit to my financial resources.

Good leaders pick their battles. Others seem to enjoy picking a fight. Yet, not every hill is worth dying on. You can go to battle over an opinion, a preference, or a concern today, but this may have implications for tomorrow. Be sure the battle is worth it. Far too many battles have been rooted in someone’s pride instead of a worthy cause. Consider whether or not this cause is important to Jesus.

Four suggestions:

1. Before going to battle for something, make sure the hill is worth it. Check with several wise people to get their feedback. You may not hear what you wanted to hear, but this will help your thought process. Far too many people are impulsive and rash in what they do. These leaders have a way of wearing people out. If you wear people out today, they may not have the energy for a much greater cause next month.

2. Remember that good will is not given to a leader in an infinite quantity. Churches will give a leader good will and the benefit of the doubt if they think that leader has earned it. However, one generally has only so much good will at his/her disposal.

3. Persistence and perseverance are great qualities. Some people see themselves as being persistent when it fact they are perceived as being obstinate, bullheaded, stubborn, and difficult. These qualities have a way of wearing others out. Consequently, you may wonder why others do not have the interest, much less the passion, about a new concern. They may be exhausted.

4. Be upfront genuine and avoid manipulation. A church leader once told me about something that he wanted to do in his congregation. He said that went ahead and did it without going through the proper channels. His explanation? “It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.” That is nothing less than a manipulative ploy. That is a good way to damage one’s credibility and wear out one’s welcome.

Four Ways to Take a Vacation Today


Take a free vacation today.Vacation.jpg

Yes, free.

I once read an interview featuring a busy business executive. He spoke of his work, his responsibilities, and the stress that came with his job.

In the interview, he said that during his busy, hectic day he might call a longtime friend. For a few minutes, they might talk about a river they planned to raft or a football game they wanted to see. These conversations with friends were brief, but for him they were a breath of fresh air in the middle of a busy, stressful day.

These conversations can be mini-vacations. For a few minutes, they allow you to get away. Such conversations can be a refreshing pause in the middle of a day that is draining.

There are other ways to take a mini-vacation.

I have spent a few moments reliving last summer’s vacation. My mind doesn’t know the difference between these memories and the actual vacation. I have found this to be relaxing.

One person I knew would pause during the day and for a few minutes work a crossword puzzle.

I once knew a guy who watched old movies during his lunch hour.

Some people work out at the YMCA or another gym during lunch.

These are endless ways people have found to refresh themselves in the middle of the day.

You have your own ideas about what might be a mini-vacation for you. You might consider trying this. I am not talking about a long period of time. Try doing this for two minutes. Two minutes. Spend two minutes thinking about a pleasant hike, a nice vacation, or an evening you recently enjoyed. You might be surprised at how long two minutes can feel.

Yes, like most anything—this could be abused. One could stay on a mental vacation and only occasionally come to work mentally.

For so many of us, however, these breathers can help bring clarity and perspective to our day. When I am behind in my work, my tendency is to get more intense and more focused. Of course, this kind of focus can be useful and can spur on productivity. However, doing my work with this level of intensity day after day only makes me weary. I don’t feel creative or energized.

These mini-vacations can be very helpful. They can restore and motivate. They remind me that God has created me to be a whole person. I am mind, body, soul, emotion, etc. I am a social being. One of the greatest gifts I can give the people I love the most is to take care of myself. Selfish? No. Self-care is about being a good steward of what God has given me.

Suggestions:

1. Call a friend with the intention of talking about a subject that is very pleasant to you both. Do you both like to fish? Do you like to compare coffees? Spend a short time talking about the subject.

2. Sit in your chair, close your eyes and relive one of the most enjoyable experiences of a vacation or special trip. Seek to remember the sounds, smells, and sensations of the place.

3. Cultivate friendships with at least a few people who will talk with you about something other than your work, your responsibilities, etc.

4. Look for opportunities to laugh. One woman used to cut cartoons from the newspaper and put them on her refrigerator for her family to see. She believed her family needed to laugh more. There are days when I eat lunch at my desk in the office. I will sometimes watch a few You Tube clips that I know are very funny.