Category: Self-Care

People Go On With Their Lives–Regardless

I was a senior in college.  Just one more student in the school of business at the University of North Texas (North Texas State in those days).  This was a large university with large classes.  I had just gone through a year in which I wasn’t sure I wanted to be in college.  My grades really suffered during that time.  Of course, I asked no one for advice or direction about any of this.  I tried to figure it out on my own and that sure didn’t work.  Then one day something occurred to me that I have never forgotten. 

 

The world is not going to wait on me.  People will go on with their lives regardless of what I do. 

 

Now that was big for me.  Why?  Because it was a reminder that the world did not revolve around me.  The lives of my friends, family, etc. did not revolve around me.  Everybody else would go on with their lives regardless of what I did with my life.

 

I have a friend who is a minister for a very large church in Dallas.  He told me once:

 

If I am crossing Preston Road this Sunday and then get run over by a beer truck, the church will have a search committee in place by that evening.

 

Probably an exaggeration.  His point was, this church would move on rather quickly.  My friend stressed that he did not need to see himself as irreplaceable.  He needed to keep in mind that his life was more than this church.

 

Remembering this has been important to me even right now.  Sometimes I get discouraged.   I suspect some of you wrestle with this as well.   My own discouragement does not come as the result of problems, struggles, etc.  Typically, when I feel myself becoming discouraged, it is the result of some kind of ongoing frustration that has been building.   Or, it may be the result of a series of disappointments.  And–to be honest–it is sometimes the result of envy of others or even self-pity.

 

I can tell you this: The world is not going to wait on me.  People will go on with their lives.   Whether I live another twenty five years or die today, everyone else will go on.  So what I need to focus on is not my frustration with other people.  Nor do I need to dwell on circumstances which are beyond my control to change.

 

Instead, I need to keep very centered on my relationship with God.  For me, that means staying focused on the basics.

 

  • I am a Christ-follower.  That means that I live each day with the intention of learning from him how to do life.
  • In me is the "forever presence" of God.  (The Holy Spirit).  God lives in me providing his strength and the power to do whatever he wants me to do.  He produces in my life God-like qualities that are visible each day in my relationships with people.
  • I need other people.  This is not just about "God and me" but "God and us."  I was not meant to live as a Christian by myself, doing life on my own.

I get discouraged far less frequently than I used to.  Yes, there continue to be some real frustrations in my life.  I suspect that is true of you as well.  However, I am trying to stay focused on a few basics and then go on with life.

 

Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart (Hebrews 12:3)

 

Creek Bottom Faith #4

Parched_land
For some reason, I still remember the sound of the radio voice.  It was summer in Kansas City (Missouri).  It was hot and humid.  I left the office about noon en route to Office Depot.  My car had been sitting in the sweltering sun all morning.  I was driving down  Oak Park Trafficway, listening to the radio, and pulled into the parking lot of the Office Depot.  Just as I turned into the lot, a commercial for a certain brand of ice tea came on.  The announcer talked about how wonderful this tea was and he poured it over ice.  I could hear the crackle of the ice through my speakers.  Then he sipped the tea and the next sound was:

 

Ahhhhhhhhhhh

 

Now that was the sound of relief, enjoyment, and satisfaction.   I almost immediately thought, "I have got to have something to drink!"

 

When the "creek is dry" (your life or mine), it is natural to want relief.  The question is, "What will satisfy?"  The Psalmist writes:

 

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.  (Ps. 63:1)

 

This writer is convinced God himself will satisfy.  In fact, he goes on to say "My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods…" (63:5)

 

OK.  Not so quick.  I don’t know that all of us are necessarily sure that God himself will deliver us from this dryness.  I’m not so sure all of us (I’m referring now to Christian people) are convinced that God himself satisfies.

 

Some of us are addicted to self.  "If I could just get what I want, then  I would find satisfaction."  Mark Galli writes,

 

We are addicted to self like some are addicted to alcohol.  One small drink leads to two, two leads to four, four can lead to drinking binges.  And with each drink, it is more and more difficult to get control of oneself; the alcohol skews one’s judgment and sabotages the will.  The more one drinks, the harder it is to stop, the harder it is to hear people telling you that you must stop.  Any alcoholic–anyone addicted to anything will tell you that.  How much more for those addicted to a self-centered existence. (Mark Galli, Jesus Mean and Wild, p. 97)

 

Some of us thirst not for God but for his gifts.  Some of us thirst not for God but for a feeling we would like to have.  Some of us thirst not for God but nevertheless desire to use to him to get what we want.  After all–we live a self-centered existence.

 

Stephen Charnock wrote in his 17th century class, The Existence and Attributes of God, the following (forgive the older English):

 

A heart quickly flitting from God makes not God his treasure; he slights the worship and therein affronts the object of worship.  All our thoughts ought to be ravished with God; bound up in him as
in a bundle of life; but when we start from him to gaze after every
feather, and run after every bubble, we disown a full and affecting
excellency, and a satisfying sweetness in him.  When our thoughts run from God, it is a testimony we have no spiritual affection to God…

 

Bottom line–In God himself, there is a satisfaction that can be found nowhere else.  Maybe the question is, "Do I look to God with my thirst, trusting that he, himself, will satisfy?  Or, am I still focused on myself, thinking that if I could only have what I desire, then life would be good?"

Creek Bottom Faith #3

Sunrise2_1
He looked in the mirror and realized that in the middle of the night, he had received a haircut!

 

Remember the story of Samson (Judges 16)?  Part of his vow to God was to not cut his hair.  However, the Philistine woman, Delilah, wore him down and he finally told her the secret of his strength.  So, in the middle of the night when he was asleep, she cut his hair.  And–he lost his strength.  He ignored his covenant with God (symbolized by the vow he made regarding his hair) and lost his strength.

 

Recently, I began a short series about dryness.  What does it mean to be dry?  How do I move on?  I mentioned that during these summer months (105 degrees the other day under this Texas sun), I noticed that the creek behind our house had dried up.  In some places it was cracked.  I can think of times when such a description fit me.  There have been periods of time when I have been dry and didn’t even realize it until later.  Perhaps you can relate as well.

 

Whenever I experience a period of dryness, I need to ask at some point, "Have I ignored the covenant I made with God?"  Of course, that is not always true.  But–I do think the question ought to be asked at some point.  In other words, maybe a place to begin is repentance.   Maybe I need to take a good look at myself.

 

Yet, sometimes, this is the last place I might look.  Perhaps it is like an alcoholic who sees a number of sources for her problems–except one.

 

Darryl Tippens, in his fine book Pilgrim Heart, writes:

 

Our inability to confess our obvious and hidden failures greatly damages our spiritual lives and our credibility.  Our witness rings hollow.  Our carefully packaged faith that hides faults haunts us and angers others.  When things go awry, as they will, it becomes second nature to blame others rather than take responsibility.  Thus, Christians can reside in communities where the truth is rarely spoken and where disappointment, bitterness, cynicism, and anger simmer for years.  Finally the day comes when the frustration explodes.  Nearly everyone is surprised at the intensity of the blow-up.  What happened and why?

Often the explosion is the inevitable consequence of Christians not telling the truth of their lives–their hurts over their troubled marriages, the disappointment with parents and children, their sadness and anger over harsh and unfair words spoken at church, the chronic pain of a dysfunctional relationship at work. Mark it down.  A Christian who is not confessional is in peril–a danger to himself and to the community (p. 100).

 

Perhaps during a period of dryness, when the bottom of the creek is parched and cracked, I ought to at least entertain the possibility of my need for confession and repentance.  Maybe, like Samson, I have not been attentive to the covenant relationship I have with God.  Perhaps I have allowed myself to become worn down by the nagging temptations of the evil one.  Now–I have no strength.

 

Again–perhaps a place to begin is in confessing my sins and failures. 

The Report About You

Detective_1 Suppose you wanted to get to know about a person but could spend no time with her or him.  Let’s suppose that while you can’t spend any time with that person you can e-mail a few questions for a response.  Where would you begin?

If the person you were wanting to know about were me (or anyone else), you might consider the following:

  1. Talk to my family.  My family will tell you what I am like when no one else is looking. 
  2. Talk to my friends.  I have some long-time friends who could tell you a lot.
  3. Talk to people in churches where I’ve served.  Talk with people in Florence, Alabama; Kansas City, Missouri; and Waco, Texas.
  4. Talk with the people I work with every day.  What am I like in the office every day?   What am I like to work with?
  5. Go through my checkbook registers.  Check out the way I spend money.  Look at my giving.   What does my spending say about me?
  6. Ask me in an e-mail what I’ve been praying for. 
  7. Ask me in an e-mail if I am angry or frustrated about anything.  What is the focus of this frustration or anger?
  8. Listen to CDs of my sermon messages. What are some of the recurring themes?
  9. Skim through my journals.  Now I don’t write these with the anticipation that anyone will be reading them; however, for the sake of discussion, you might ask what reoccuring themes are present.

Now, take all of this information and write a summary of your findings.  This can be no longer than five pages.  In these five pages, write your perception of me based upon the information above. 

Now I am going to read your report.

  • Am I surprised by what you have written about me?  Do I perceive myself in much the same way or is my self-perception very different?
  • Could it be that the perception of others is very different than what I thought? 
  • How do I react to this report?  Anger?  Embarrassment?  Encouraged?

So what’s the point of this? 

I have a certain perception of myself.  Accurate or inaccurate–this is what I perceive.  It could be that I am looking at myself for who I really am.  It could be that I have blind spots and don’t see some real flaws.   It could be I don’t see what everyone else sees in my life.

I also realize that others have a certain perception of me.  Some people are very preoccupied with what others are thinking.  Some are not.  Again, some of us may be very misinformed as to what people really think of us.

Am I trying to create a certain perception or am I just being me?  Do I live with an unhealthy self-consciousness?  Or, am I becoming less and less self-conscious and more God-conscious?

Most important, I need to think about how God sees me.  Who knows me better than God?  Yes, I am loved and forgiven.  But does he see that I am finding my real identity in him?  As a Christian, my relationship to him through his son, Jesus, is the most critical marker of my identity.  Yet, far too many of us are finding our identity elsewhere.

Just thinking…

Creek Bottom Faith #2

Hourglass
I am in Oklahoma City.  Last night I spoke at the Memorial Road Church (a part of their summer series featuring a different speaker each week).  The church is located next to Oklahoma Christian University where my daughter Jamie is a student.  It was nice to be there and be a part of her world for an evening.

 

While in the hotel room yesterday, I was flipping through channels on the television.  As I passed by one channel, Dr. Phil was signing off.  He said, "Life isn’t a dress rehearsal."  Hmmm.  That is good.  Life isn’t a dress rehearsal.  Life is what is happening right now.

 

Maybe I ought to think of faith in the same way.  Faith is not what you have when you finally get everything in your life worked out.  Faith is what you have right now in the middle of life.   

 

When the "creek bottom" is dry, it is important to start small.  The first few drops of rain will not cause the creek to flow again.  However, it is a beginning. 

 

I remember going through a period of time early in our marriage when I kept looking for what I didn’t have.

 

Instead of taking small steps of faith and trusting God, I spent my energy wishing.  I wished for a better church, another academic degree, more elders, a new car, a better house, and on and on.  In 1985, I received a Doctor of Ministry degree from Harding Graduate School of Religion (Memphis, Tennessee).  That represented five years of work.  After graduation Charlotte, our little girls, and I came home.  Several days passed and then I said to Charlotte,  "You know–I’m thinking about going to law school."

 

At that point she asked me, "Are we ever going to be happy?"  It was a painful question to hear because I knew she had seen something in me I didn’t want to see.  I was trying to deal with a dried up creek bottom by wishing it away.  Yet, wishing is not the same as trusting.

 

Maybe I need to just take a first step — no matter how small the step might seem.

  • Maybe I need to pray for power to resist doing something I know to be wrong.
  • Maybe I need to do something that might be both thoughtful and helpful to someone.  Some small act of service.
  • Maybe I need to read my Bible.  Perhaps I could begin with the Psalms.  I can pray through two Psalms today.  (Try praying them aloud.)
  • Maybe I need to simply pray to God, "Lord have mercy."
  • Maybe I need to pray, "I can’t do this Lord, I give up.  I’ve tried for too long to do what only you can do."

 

I really don’t know what small step you might take.  I’m just suggesting that you and I resist the lure of being passive.  It is far too easy to remain stuck.  The main idea is to take a small and practical step of faith.  Begin somewhere. 

One day, I was thinking about a person who was in a nursing home in our area (a member of our church).  I thought about needing to visit him/her.  In fact, I thought about this several times during the day.  Yet, I kept finding reasons not to go (too busy, don’t really want to, need to get some other things done, etc.).  Going back and forth with this really bothered me.  I prayed about this situation and then got in my car and drove to that nursing home.  Driving over there was a small — but important — step.  After all, for some reason, I was trying to avoid this ministry opportunity.  Later, after spending a few minutes with this person, I was glad I went.  Choosing to go anyway was a small step, but important.

Faith does not come about through wishful thinking.  Contentment does not happen by finally wishing for and receiving the right thing.  No, I’ve learned that I make progress by taking small steps of faith. 

After all, today is no dress rehearsal for a future life.  Today, my life is happening.  I want to learn to trust God today, even though my life at this hour or this day may not be exactly what I would have planned.      

Creek Bottom Faith #1

  • Deathdrylake3
  • What do you do when you feel dry?
  • Do you ever just get tired of always having to be "on"?
  • What if we just told the truth?   Wouldn’t that be a breath of fresh air to the men and women in our churches (for ministers/ preachers/pastors/church leaders in particular)?

Behind our house is a small creek.  When we first looked at this house six years ago, the creek was one of my favorite places.  It runs along the property line–about fifty yards.   Most of the time during the year, this creek has running water.  There are two places where the creek drops a bit, so the flowing water has a rushing sound.

There is one spot that is deep–that is, it is deep when we’ve had rain. Occasionally there will be a few small brim in the water. The girls and I used to catch the fish, bring them up and throw them back.  Usually there are frogs, a few turtles, and probably a few creatures I don’t want to know about.

  • I’ve sat by that creek and said nothing. 
  • I’ve sat by that creek and prayed. 
  • I’ve sat by that creek and wondered.

And now?

Well, we haven’t had rain in some time.  The creek is dry.  Very dry.  No running water in the creek.  No rushing sound.  Meanwhile, the ground begins to crack.

At times, this picture has been my life.  Dry.  Parched.  Lifeless.  Cracks in my life.  Longing for a better day.  Many Christians experience this.  Many ministers experience this and often feel like they have nowhere to turn (within their churches).  What do you do?   

Sometimes when I feel this way, I long to be alone and to get away.  It is not so much that I want a vacation or a break (though at times that can be so helpful).  Rather, I find myself feeling like that dry creek bed.  What is it that contributes to my own dryness?

  • Spending too much time on tasks that in the end seem pointless.   (While we forget our mission.)
  • Standing on the side of the road watching the house engulfed in flames while we talk about what color to paint the exterior.  (What we do far too often in churches.)
  • Preparing too many messages and various presentations without nurturing my heart and mind.  (Like dipping a gallon bucket into a dry creek bed.  If it’s dry–you are not going to get any water.)

More later.  I think this is important.  I write this not as one who has all of this figured out.  Nope!  I write this because I don’t want the creek to dry up.

Take Care of What God Has Given You

Coffee_cup_state_iii

It’s not difficult to stay busy.  Most of the time, I will probably tell you that I had a busy day.  And–I am being truthful.

A few years ago, I heard Gordon MacDonald say that we basically have three units of time during our waking hours.  Morning.  Afternoon. Evening. (Yes, I know that is obvious, but stay with me for a moment.)  He said that we generally need to think in terms of doing our work during two of these three blocks.  As I recall, he was directing some of his comments toward those who were using all three blocks for work.   (I realize we could get into a discussion at this point about that third block.  There is "work" to be done at home, etc.  Nevertheless, he was trying to establish a basic principle regarding time.)

For some reason, I found his simple observation to be helpful.  Years ago, when I drove for UPS, the company helped with this schedule.  In the morning, I arrived at the Dallas hub and used a time card to "punch in."  I was "at work" all day, driving in downtown Dallas.  Late in the afternoon, I returned to the hub, took the same card and "punched out."

I was off.  No more work for UPS until the following morning.

Many people have jobs where their lives are still ordered in much the same way.  However, many of us do not punch in and out.   We have a job or work which is never finished.   There is always something to be done.  I don’t ever get to the end of a day/week/month and say,  "Wow, everything is done.  I guess I’ll go home." 

No–there is always:

  • one more person I could talk with.
  • one more book to read.
  • one more e-mail to send.
  • one more situation to look into.
  • one more problem to think about.
  • one more sermon/class to plan.
  • one more message to prepare.
  • one more person to visit.
  • one more phone call to make.

There is always plenty to do.

So what’s the point?  The point is that I have to work to create balance in my life.  As a person who desires to model Christ, I want to take care of my whole being (mind/soul/body/emotions, etc.).  I believe such care honors Jesus.  I want to be a healthy human being who honors the life the creator has given me.  I am not just a mind that sits around thinking, praying, contemplating, etc.  I am a whole person.

Cultivating a healthy, balanced life as a Christ-follower can be a real challenge.  If you are a single parent or a working mom or dad with small children, you may find this to be extremely challenging.  Nevertheless, it is important to at least take small steps toward nurturing your life.

Here are a few suggestions.  These have been important in my life.  You may have other practices which have been important to you.  I would enjoy hearing about them.

1. Take time for prayer and Bible reading, as well as time to practice other spiritual disciplines.  Start small–but start.  Maybe this is a time each day in which you journal
or read a book that addresses "heart" issues.   Most days, I begin each morning with coffee, my Bible and/or book and my journal.

If this time is non-existent in your life right now, set aside a brief period of time each day.  Don’t worry about doing this the way I do it or the way anyone else might do it.  Start small.  Create a time that works for you.

2. Do something practical every week that nurtures significant
relationships.  Perhaps this means spending some time with family members.  Your husband.  Your wife.  Your children.  Maybe this means having lunch with a friend.  Call a good friend each week.  Send notes to other friends.

3. Do something that will enhance your physical health this week.  So many of us neglect our bodies during our early years and then spend our later years having to address health issues (a few of these which may be present due to earlier neglect). 

Work out.  Take a walk.  Pay attention to what you eat.  Part of the stewardship or management of my body includes taking care of the health God has given me. 

Again, start small but do something.  (To my fellow ministers, this may be more important than reading the next book or doing something else behind a desk. God has created me to be a whole person not just a mind.)

4.  Choose to enjoy the moment you have.  Instead of being preoccupied with what you could be doing, try paying attention to what you are doing and who you are with.  (Forgive me for talking to myself at this moment.)  Look for what joy you can find in whatever situation you are in.  Look for God’s hand in these moments.  Maybe he is giving you the opportunity to just enjoy this moment.

 

Break Out of That Rut

Jasons_deli
Just the other day, my friend turned to me and said, "I am in a rut."

 

We were about to eat lunch together and were trying to decide upon a place to eat.  We decided to meet at Jason’s Deli.  Pleasant.  Good food.  Jason’s is a popular lunch place during the week.  I’ve been there–many times.  I have eaten there several days in a row, meeting a different person each day.  I keep suggesting to people that we meet there.  I have the same routine whenever I go there.  I look at the menu, read through the options, and then order the salad bar.  A few years ago it was a chicken salad sandwich.

 

Yes, it was my friend who told me he was in a rut.  But–it sounds as if I am in a rut as well.  How boring!  I’ve got to do better.  If I’m not careful, I will soon be filling the empty bowl at the salad bar, still in the rut.

 


Do you ever begin your week feeling like you are in a rut?  We serve this creative God who has created an awesome world and now is recreating our hearts. Yet, for some reason, we get in ruts.

Consider the following:

1. You might consider reading a book by an author with whom you are unfamiliar. Try a book you think will stimulate your heart and mind.  Try authors like: Henri Nouwen, C. S. Lewis, Scot McKnight, Gary Thomas, Gordon McDonald, Phillip Yancey, William Willimon or Tim Stafford (just a sampling).

2. If you have been using the same Bible for years, trying reading from a different translation. Try the New RSV, The Message, The English Standard Version or some other translation with which you are not too familiar.

3. Make sure that there is an appropriate tension between your private devotional time and actually doing something in obedience to what you know. Without both you are likely to get spiritually imbalanced.  All study and no ministry can lead to a spiritually "bloated" Christian.  A commitment to ministry without time in the Word of God and prayer can cause a person to lack any depth or fire-power for such ministry.

4. Try praying for specific people.  If you don’t know them well, try to imagine what their lives might be like given their life situation.   Pray for them by name.

5. Consider having conversation with a person who is very different from yourself.  Ask that person to lunch or coffee and ask questions about life, the person’s walk with God, helpful resources, etc.  This is a practice that has blessed me greatly through the years.

Better Than Fireworks

Fireworks
One Christmas Eve, we were at my mother-in-law’s in north Alabama. It was a beautiful setting with acres of land, trees, and Indian Camp Creek flowing through the middle of her land. It was in that setting that my brother-in-law and I lit the fireworks!

 

It was twenty degrees and all of the kids were outside to watch the rockets and hear the explosions.  Over and over the sky was showered with multi-colored sparks.  We placed each rocket in a launcher on the ground, lit the long fuse, and then ran!  Each launch was followed by a tremendous bang as it would blast off and then rise hundreds of feet into the air.

 

We had a great time!  Uhhh—I mean the kids had a great time.  I do remember at one point looking around and realizing that all of the kids had gotten cold and were now inside the house. (You don’t think that we quit at that point do you?)

 

Many of us want a relationship with God that is something like these fireworks.  Quick.  Powerful.  Dramatic.   You light the fuse and seconds later watch it happen!

 

For me, walking with God has never been like that.  Most of the time, my own growth and maturity has been slow.  Sort of like I am plodding along with God. 

 

At times I wish for more fireworks.  Oh there have been a few dramatic moments.  But that has not been the norm.  Most of the time, our walk with God is like any other relationship.  This relationship takes time to grow.

 

A friend of mine made the statement a number of years ago that stuck with me.  We both had just listened to a person talk about all of his activities for that year. I remember my friend remarked, "I have known him a long time and my impression is that if he says it enough, he begins to believe that it is true." Hmmmm.

 

Pascal warned, "Men often take their imagination for their heart, and often believe they are converted as soon as they start thinking of becoming converted."

 

One does not mature spiritually by talking about God.  Knowing God is a day-in, day-out experience. Like marriage, it calls for me to take intentional steps in his direction.

 

This week, as you schedule your time and work with your planner, make an appointment with God each day.

Dealing with Depression (Part 2)

Men_depression
Yesterday, I reflected on depression. As I mentioned yesterday, this is a topic that is wide ranging in terms of its severity.  I encourage you to read through yesterday’s comments (they’re better than the original post!).  What I described was related to a very difficult church situation about fifteen years ago. 

 

We then moved to central Texas and began working with a different church.  The situation was good but had some very difficult aspects to it.  Finally, after about two years, I realized I was slipping back into the abyss once again.  Another trip to my doctor (a wonderful Christian man whom I have now known for about 13 years).  He gave me some mild medication for a few months.  I also began seeing a counselor in Dallas.  In a short time, things seemed hopeful again.

 

In retrospect, I think I did what John Frye notes in a great comment on yesterday’s post:

 


Some people, and I was (am) one of them, can be over-responsible, that is, we assume responsibility for that which we have no control over whatsoever. As the visible "face" for the church where I was teaching pastor, I internally absorbed negative comments about things in the church and thought, "I’ve got to ‘fix’ this." The budget is not being met…it’s my fault. I’ll fix it by preaching on stewardship. That kind of thing. It drove me into depression.

(Note John’s blog, Jesus the Radical Pastor)

 

That is exactly what I did!  The more people would talk about the gaps in the church; the more I felt responsibe for fixing these gaps.  Yet, far too often I was assuming responsibility for things I had no control over.  People would come to Charlotte and talk about this or that frustration in the life of the church.  The underlying assumption was often, "Why doesn’t Jim do something with this?"  Yet, so often I had no control over these situations.  But–I felt as if I should be able to do something.  In fact, I began to feel responsible for fixing these things.

 

Remember I am only posting about my own experience.  My experience was directly connected to my ministry/work situations and the way I was handling them.  As Jerry and Lynn Jones suggest in their comment to the previous post, depression does impact marriages and families.  I can see this better as I look back at these situations in my life.  At the time, however, I probably did not have much awareness.

 

So here are few things I’ve learned:

 

I am at my best when I surround myself with positive, encouraging people.  Yes, there are people who constantly complain.  There are people who can take most any situation and drain the life out of it.  I need to seek out more positive people.

 

I am at my best when I stay connected to God through daily, spiritual disciplines.  Time alone.  Time in scripture.  Time with a book that helps me reflect on the nature and character of God.  Time to write in my journal.

 

I am at my best when I get physical exercise.  Yes, I work out for my health.  But it is much more than my physical health.   It really does help me emotionally as well.

 

I am at my best when I have friends outside our church.  (Some who are not in ministry may have trouble understanding or relating to this.)  Far too often for someone working with a congregation of people, it can become all consuming.  In fact, you can very easily lose perspective.  I have good friends who live both in our community and in other places.  These people are very important to me.

 

I am at my best when I tell the truth.  Churches can become very dysfunctional.  In fact, at times dysfunction seems very "normal" in a church.  We dance around concerns and quickly shuffle our feet and do most anything but address issues right in front of us.  In fact, churches are notorious for ignoring "the big pink elephant in the middle of the room."  After awhile, you may begin to wonder, "Am I the nutty one here?  They seem just fine ignoring this situation.   Maybe  there is something wrong with me?" 

 

I am at my best when I remain my own person before God.  Far too often, we live in a state of reaction.  If I live in a reactive mode, I am constantly trying to be someone who will please these people.  I will say or do what I think will please them instead of being true to what I really believe or think.  If I live in a reactive mode, I may feel uncomfortable if people think differently than me. 

 

Yet, I know I do not have to live this way.  I am a better man, husband, father, minister, etc. when I remain my own person before God.