Category: Ministry Inside

Ministry Inside.137

(Each Thursday, I write particularly for church leaders.  If you are a church leader, hopefully this post will connect with you.  However, the post may be relevant regardless of ministry role.)

I knew a man who was a good preacher and overall minister.  He was well-read and had a good seminary education. He continued to grow in his ministry skills and in his knowledge.  Various congregations perceived him to be a valuable resource in their region.

There was one problem.

He didn’t always tell the truth.

I don’t think he perceived himself as one who lied or was untruthful.  Yet, I remember the evening, years ago, when he and his wife had dinner with us.  We ate and had an enjoyable meal together.  After dinner, we went to an ice cream place for dessert.

He told a story about a sermon that he had preached one Sunday.  As a part of the message, he used an illustration that seemed fitting.  After sharing that illustration with us, he said, “Of course this is one of those stories that you tell as if it really happened to you.”

I was a young minister and shocked by what he admitted to practicing.  Surely he did not say what I think he just said. Did he really say that he told the story as if it happened to him but it didn’t?  Yes, I had heard him correctly.

This was sad.

It was also unethical and even unnecessary.  Not only was this wrong but he could have easily used the story ethically by saying:

“I heard the story about a couple who one day . . .”

“I have a friend who tells the story about a couple who one day. . .”

“William Willimon tells the story of a couple who one day . . .”

Truth telling includes paying attention to the little things.  Accuracy and speaking truth really do matter.

 

Ministry Inside.136

ImageAfter 20 years of ministry in one congregation, I am about to leave.  (My last Sunday here is November 24.)  Charlotte and I will move to Memphis, Tennessee, to begin working with Harding School of Theology.

Twenty years is a long time.  That is 20 years of sermons, conversations, and cups of coffee. That is 20 years of waiting in emergency rooms with families and well as celebrating with families.

Leaving and transition bring grief.  Charlotte and I certainly feel it.  I know many in our congregation feel this as well.  It is simply a part of transition.

I have been thinking about these 20 years.

I am so thankful …

… for the trust of this church.

Preaching to the same group of people week after week requires trust.  They must recognize that you are attempting to live out the Gospel in your daily life.  Trust either emerges or it remains a questionable issue in a congregation.

As I look back upon these years, I think of the many conversations with people — deeply personal conversations — about life, sin, failure, and grace.  I don’t take this for granted.  After all, a person believes their minister will handle this conversation with maturity and respect.  I am moved as I think about conversations in my office, in living rooms, and over cups of coffee about life.

… for the love of this church.

The people in our congregation have communicated to me how much they love Charlotte, me, and our two daughters, Christine and Jamie.  I am so grateful for this.

At the same time, I love our congregation.  Recently, our children’s ministry reserved the local skating rink for our church.  I was there for about 45 minutes and enjoyed watching the children of our congregation (and some of their parents) have so much fun.  I want to see them do well and grow up loving Jesus.  Because I love our congregation, it is very important how I leave.  When a minister abruptly leaves a church and gives the church little or no time to process what is happening, damage can be done that can have ramifications for the future.  It is very important to me to leave well.

… for the faithfulness of God.

Life as a congregation is something we do together.  That means that we experience not only joy but also pain.  Yes, pain takes place in every congregation.  Most of the time, ministry involves some sort of pain.  Divorce.  Death.  Sickness.  Unfaithfulness.  Sin.  These all take place in the life of a congregation.  Yet, as I look back, I see how the faithfulness of God gave us, as a congregation, the power to persevere even in difficult times.

More later.

Ministry Inside.134

Teens-Penalties-can-deter-texting-at-wheel-OS25GHL6-x-largeWhat do church leaders do with the red flags?

Not long ago I was on the Interstate and glanced at the car on my right.  The driver had an intense look on her face.  She was staring at her phone.

She was texting.

Think about this.  She is driving 75 miles per hour and texting!

Some say that you are 23 times more likely to have a wreck if you are texting and driving.  Yet, 77% of people believe they are good drivers and this practice really isn’t dangerous for them.

Just a few days ago, a New Jersey woman was charged with vehicular homicide after her vehicle hit another car in the opposite lane of traffic.  A 58-year-old man was killed in the fatal crash.  Witnesses said that the young woman was texting while driving.

So who actually does this?  Who would still text and drive in spite of the many warnings Americans have received?

The answer?  Many continue to do this.  Parents with young children in their car seats.  Business people traveling across the city.  College students driving on the Interstate en route to campus.

Some church leaders are much like this.  They ignore the warnings.  They don’t take the precautions.  They don’t listen to wisdom.

*The elder in a church who is giving way too much attention and time to a particular hurting woman in the church.  He tells his wife and friends, “I am the only person she can talk to.”

*The young father who neglects his wife and children while he spends more time with his friends.  “I work hard and need a break.”

*The young couple who spend more money than they are making.  “Oh it will all work out.  We just want to live at the same standard as our friends.”

Are we paying attention to the warnings?  Or, do we think we are the exception?

Question:

In what area of your life are you ignoring red flags?

Ministry Inside.133

coffee-cupFocus on your future and not your age.

Some people are obsessed with their age. They seem to focus on the idea that they are not as young as they were.  Others go even further and make regular comments about being old.

Of course we are all getting older.  Each year we experience another birthday and a one-year increase in our age.

Yet, we live in a youth obsessed culture. Some people believe that one is at a disadvantage to look his age.

Some people do move from decade to decade gracefully.  Others do so under whining and protest.  Many live with the denial of aging.

Church leaders can model something powerful before the church in such a culture.

Embrace life fully.

Stop talking about your age and start talking more about newness in Christ.  We really can be full of life when we focus on the one who gives us life (John 10:10).

Consider the message that you are sending the church through your teaching/preaching.

Do I speak of age as if getting older is downhill?  Are the examples, stories, and illustrations I use in messages typically from the pop culture of 20 or 30 years ago?  Do I regularly bemoan the fact that I am getting old?

Affirm in messages examples of people of various ages who are alive and engaged in life and ministry.

In a youth obsessed culture, it may be particularly helpful for people to hear stories of ministry being done by people who are older.

Cling to the Cross when life is difficult for you as a church leader.

Discipleship, after all, is a ministry of suffering (John 16:33, Luke 9:23).    When life is difficult, we are forced to admit we are dependent on God and others. This is exactly what we are called to be as Christians.  We are stripped away of what we have depended on and are called to rely on Christ.

Continue to grow.

I remain an eternal student, incomplete and unfulfilled, gazing at a full range of Mount Everests of the mind that remain unclaimed.  ….  Faith is the ground I stand on, the air I breathe, the thread of life that connects me to continuing life with God in eternity.   — Malcolm Boyd, age 78

Ministry Inside.132

marriageministry-1024x359The following are ten possible marriage pitfalls.  Ignore these and put your marriage at risk.

1.  Beware of ignoring your wife’s spiritual development while you focus on feeding yourself and the congregation.  A ministry couple can easily drift apart spiritually.

2.  Beware of assuming that because you read and talk theology that your work with Jesus is more authentic than that of your spouse.

3.  Beware of dabbling in discipleship while you major in public events.  The first step in ministry is following Jesus.

4.  Beware of demanding that your spouse make you look good even when you behave immaturely or like a jerk at home.

5.  Beware of discouraging your spouse from seeing a counselor or therapist because you are concerned that you might look bad.

6.  Beware of thinking that your role or hard work gives you permission to slack off when you are home.

7.  Beware of expecting your spouse will deal with the kids, bills, the maintenance of the house, and your social life so that you can focus on more “important” matters.

8.  Beware of supposedly innocent flirting with a certain person in your church arrogantly thinking that you are way too smart or moral to do something stupid.

9.  Beware of using your mind as a playground where you can run wild with fantasies and various temptations.  Our thinking really does shape who we are.

10. Beware of speaking to your spouse in ways that are demeaning, childish, and disrespectful.  This does nothing for your marriage but reveals your immaturity.

Question:

What would you add to this list?

Ministry Inside.129

Life-from-the-Inside-pngWhat I have learned about long-term ministry.

This month marks the 20th year I’ve served the Crestview Church of Christ in Waco. Yesterday, I saw a picture of our family 20 years ago when we moved here.  Since then, I have learned a lot.  This post will list some of the lessons learned about congregational ministry while serving this church in this city.

1.  Ministry is much like marriage.  Trust is everything.  If you are trustworthy, you are continually making deposits.  If not, you may lose the trust that it took you decades to build.

2.  Preaching and pastoral work cannot be separated.  In fact, much of the conversation after church, in your office, and over a cup of coffee may be an extension of your preaching.

3.  The best ministers never stop growing.  Yet, they understand that their growth is not only cognitive but also includes emotional maturity as well.  It is sad when a minister just won’t grow up.

4.  If you are not committed to growing and developing, you can eventually become stuck in your thinking and functioning (not to mention the example you are setting).

5.  Ministry with a church over a long period of time enables you to learn whom you can really trust. Be careful about a person who consistently bad-mouths various people in your congregation (in their absence) only to speak in a very different tone when they are present.

6.   A church needs to know that you are with them.  Some ministers are adamant about how different they are from their congregation.  Congregations need to know that you see yourself as one of them.  Otherwise, they may be left with uncertainty about your motives.

7.  Know the DNA of the congregation.  It is important to recognize and appreciate the distinctive characteristics of the congregation in which you serve.  Its members are likely to be more open to fresh ideas for ministry if they know that you deeply respect the ways God worked through the church in the years before you came.

8.  Be a person worthy of their trust.  Public speaking ability, ministry skill, and new ideas are no substitute for integrity and character.

 

Ministry Inside.127

Listening-Ear1Do you listen well?

One of the most important tasks for any church leader is listening.  Listening can be incredibly difficult.  In fact, most of us have had far more training in speaking than in listening.

A few suggestions:

Listen intently.

This means eye contact.  This means paying attention to body language.  This means asking clarifying questions such as, “How did you feel when the change was made?” or “What were you thinking when he said that?”

Listen to understand.

Don’t assume you understand.  A church leader should not say, “Oh yeah I know exactly how you feel.”  At that point church leaders sometimes take over the conversation and begin talking about their own experience.  Far better to say something like: “I really want to understand what you are saying.  Could I express to you what I think I heard?”  After all, I want that person to leave this conversation feeling as if she has really been heard.

Listen without trying to fix the person’s problem.

A person may come to you and talk to you about several issues in his/her life.  Far too often, church leaders will follow by saying, “I know what you need or ought to do.”  Yet, often that person hasn’t asked for advice.  Rather, the person just wants you to listen.

Of course, don’t check your texts or e-mail while someone is talking with you.  Talking with someone who keeps looking at his screen can be very irritating.

Seek to become an excellent listener.  You will bless the person you are talking with.

Question:

What are some characteristics of some of the good listeners whom you know?

 

Monday Start: Resources for the Week

start 1Have you seen this resource?

I recently came across issuu.  Are you familiar with this tool?  One place for many publications.

Excellent address

See this presentation by  David Brooks from the 2013 Aspen Ideas Institute, “The Inverse Logic of Life.”  Brooks is not only an excellent writer but a good speaker as well.  This presentation caused me to think.

Bob Buford writes.

Bob Buford is the founder of Leadership Network  I pay attention to his blog. Buford has a good understanding of culture and is attuned to very good resources.]

A simple explanation of systems theory (thanks to Lynn Anderson).

See this excellent video!

 

Ministry Inside.126

habits(During July, I am reposting a series regarding healthy habits for believers and church leaders in particular.)

Habit #6. Adjust your expectations.

When I first began preaching, my expectations of people were way too high! I was constantly disappointed in others. My assumptions on the front end were skewed. For example, I thought that everyone who was connected in some way with our church was trying to live right. It wasn’t everyone’s personal weakness that was the surprise but that we were not even united in our intentions.

Meanwhile, my expectations of God were far too small. I didn’t really believe that he might do amazing things through prayer. I didn’t expect God to do anything in my life. Consequently, I lived with a strange set of expectations for both the church and for God.

I began to grapple with this and lowered my expectations of people so that anything that a person did that was good was an act of grace. Meanwhile, I began to raise my expectations of God, thanking him for the grace that I experienced in him whether I witnessed his power or not.

Habit #7. Pay attention to people.

This particular habit is so important. It is a gift we can give to one another that can add energy. Basically, you follow two practices:

  • You attempt to catch people doing what is right.
  • You ask about what is very important to another person.

Habit #8. Empty your mind regularly.

In David Allen’s book Getting Things Done, I have learned the importance of emptying one’s mind (or doing a “mind sweep”). Basically, one takes everything that is going on in the mind and lists it on paper.

In his workshop, one of the exercises involved writing everything we were thinking about. I thought, “This won’t take long, I am only thinking about a couple of things right now.” We took about ten minutes for this exercise. I began my list and could not believe all that I wrote down. I wrote everything from “Get the tire fixed” to “Got to call Steve on the way home.” Each time I wrote something down, I then seemed to recall one more thing that I had stored in my mind.

Allen believes if we do not regularly empty our minds, then stress is the result. You must have a system in place by which you can empty your mind and know that you will come back to the things you have written down and deal with them. 

Question
What habits would you add to this list?

Ministry Inside.125

habits

(During July, I am reposting a series regarding healthy habits for believers and church leaders in particular.)

Habit #3. Choose to contribute to healthy communication.

James Bryan Smith, in a seminar on The Good and Beautiful Life, said that our technology is way ahead of our ethics and etiquette. Remember that there is no substitute for face-to-face communication. Yes, email, text messaging, and other forms of communication are all helpful. Yet, they do not take the place of actual conversation with people who are right in front of us. I once heard of a family who spent an evening together — sort of. Throughout the evening, though they were in the same house, they emailed one another.

Choose to be the bearer of good news. Look for what God is doing in your church. Make a list of what you’ve witnessed. Catch people doing what is good, right, and godly. Far too much time and energy is wasted talking about what people did wrong. 

Habit #4. Speak about others in their absence in a way that would not surprise them if they were present.

Stay away from anything that even remotely resembles manipulation. Love and manipulation are two very different ways of treating people.

I remember the first time I heard the expression, “It is better to ask forgiveness than seek permission.” A minister was telling some others that he typically did what he wanted in the congregation and then later asked forgiveness if that seemed necessary. I heard an elder justify his practice of not communicating with his fellow elders with this practice.

Really? Is this what we want to teach our own children? What if everyone practices this? Is this really the way of Jesus with one another?

Habit #5. Celebrate first base.

Not every Sunday is going to be a home run day in your congregation. Yes, there are those “home run Sundays.” There are those days when everything seems to click and it is so obvious that God has been at work in a powerful way. Most Sundays (at least in my experience) are not like this. You hit a single or a double. You get to first or second base.

I’m saying that it is important to be thankful to God for whatever good is done on a given Sunday. Look for the small moments of encouragement. Be grateful for some progress.

There are many Sundays when you wonder if you have done any good at all. I have learned that I need to trust God and believe that he will see that the faithful preaching of his Word bears fruit in some way. Know that God is faithful even when you can’t see any progress.

Question:

Which one of these three habits has been particularly important to you?