I once read the story of a man who spent his childhood living through the Great Depression. He told that one of his chores as a young boy was to ride his bike to the local fire station where he would receive government-issue milk in the bucket he carried with him. He spoke of the humiliation of riding home carrying the bucket of milk because all the other kids from school could see that his family was poor and had to receive government assistance.
He decided that he would one day have money and that no one would ever look down on him again.
He spent much of his adult life protecting his image and surrounding himself with symbols of success to ensure that others would see him as successful.
Yet, is this really living?
Sometimes, married people become lazy.
They focus more on how they appear than what they are. They become more concerned about their image than their character.
Sometimes, married people become obsessed.
She is determined that he is going to be a spiritual leader in their home. He is determined that she is going to become more outgoing and sociable with people from his work.
Sometimes, married people settle.
She sits in her recliner. He sits in his recliner. Night after night the television blares. These people have settled for a passive existence instead of a life.
Sometimes, married people disconnect.
He goes his way. She goes her way. Perhaps their lives are centered on their children or grandchildren. Sex, intimacy, and tenderness are all but gone. There is little or no conflict. They are actually at a point at which they don’t care enough about one another to have conflict.
Is this really living?
Is this really marriage?
Maybe the first step is to decide that you want something very different and that you are willing to do what it takes to stop this dead-end street.
Why do some married people seem to get into destructive ruts?