I’ve felt as if it didn’t. I’ve felt at times as if what I was doing really didn’t matter.
Have you ever felt this way?
- I have felt as if I wasn’t a good enough preacher. "If only I were a better speaker…"
- I have felt as if my church wasn’t large enough. "If only I were at the church of my dreams, then…"
- I have felt as if I wasn’t very important. "If I were important, then I would have the opportunity to…"
- I have felt as if my work was not all that significant. I remember feeling some jealousy when my friend spoke of some who were "…in the influential pulpits." "If only my work could be important then…"
Maybe, just maybe, you have never had similar feelings. Maybe you have never wrestled with your ego. Maybe you have always felt secure. If this is true, thank God.
I hope — I really hope — that I have moved past a lot of these feelings and thoughts. (I say this with some tentativeness for fear that I fall into the same worn-out trap again.)
I want to live right now with the same fresh spirit and energy that I had when I first began my work as a minister. I do not want to be focused on myself, or the scorecard, or who seems to be ahead, etc. Rather, I want to be focused on my vocation or my calling before God. I want to believe that if my work is offered up to the Lord, then it is significant ministry. I want to always believe that God does not measure things the way we do. Rather, he is the God who is able to make much out of little. He feeds thousands with five loaves of bread and two fish. He is the God who blesses the most unassuming ministry and turns it into a powerful force for his purposes.
Have you ever felt this way about your life and ministry? Have you ever fought the insecurity of feeling as if your ministry was inferior to that of others?