Am almost finished reading, A Life Redeemed, a biography about Charles Colson. I really enjoy this book. No attempts to glorify Colson in this work but at the same time, the author has an obvious deep respect for him. It seems like some biographies seem to be about tearing down their subject. Other biography’s read more like a PR piece. This work is presents him with genuine respect but as a normal human being (even as a Christ-follower) with flaws etc. Interestingly enough, I just read a review of this book where the reviewer chided Colson for his present flaws. It had a very judgemental tone to it. Sort of a, "You had better get it together Colson. You sound like a human!"
There are times when I get so frustrated with me. Frustrated with my inconsistencies. I woke up thinking about the way I handled a conversation yesterday. Not good. What I said did not reflect maturity in Christ. I wish that I had paid more attention to what that guy really needed to hear at that moment.
Far too often, I find myself paying attention to what I want instead of what is really happening inside of me. (Repentence is difficult if you are not dealing with what is really there). For instance, I think that if I were to be real honest and pay attention to my own heart, I would see the following…
- Pride. A desire to put myself in the most favorable light. (We love to talk about how "others" just don’t get it. Have you ever noticed that in our way of thinking, we generally do "get it"?)
- A desire to not risk trusting God. (Its the control thing).
- At times being far too accepting and even welcoming of evil thoughts.
- Thinking about destroying people instead of praying for them. (Like when someone says something really obnoxious or sets themselves up as having superior knowledge. In a split second, my mind can calculate how to cut them to shreds (verbally).
- Resentment. Feeling resentful that certain pieces in my world do not work the way they should (in my opinion).
What would you add to this list? (Not about me, about you 🙂 Are you aware of what is happening in your heart on a regular basis? Do you pay attention to your motives, thoughts, and intentions?
I am trying to learn to pay attention.
I want to pay attention to the reality of my life (again–not how I want to be perceived but who I really am). I also want to pay attention to God. What is he doing in my world? What would he like to produce in me instead of what I see in my heart that is unlike his character?
Yesterday, I listened to Fred Smith in his charge for 2005. Smith is a Christ -follower in his 90’s who is fully alive! Now this is the way I would like to grow old. Listen for your encouragment.