What Do Sons Need?

coffee.jpgA few days ago, I asked girls/women who read this blog to answer a question regarding what girls need from their parents.  If you are a father, I strongly encourage you to read the comments to that post.  You can read that post and the comments here

Today, I want to ask the boys/men who read this blog to respond to this question: "What does a son need from his dad?"  What does a son need from his mother?  Please answer this question regardless of your experience with your own mother or dad.

Again:  What does a son need from his father and mother?

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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14 thoughts on “What Do Sons Need?

  1. As a former boy and father of three more, I can tell you that a boy needs his father to model, encourage, and lead him into knowing what it is to be a man. For decades North American culture has been awash in forces encouraging men to remain boys forever, and it’s a daunting stream to swim against. History, anthropology, and common sense show us that boys need a rite of passage at some stage in their lives in order to confirm their manhood. Our culture, unfortunately, fails boys in that regard. It’s up to fathers to help their sons make the transition.We need to be preparing our boys from early childhood to assume the mantle of manhood sooner rather than later. As they approach age 18, they need a father and other men to help them make the transition to living and acting as a man.And what is the role of a man? To take responsibility for his actions, to stand up for the weak and vulnerable, and to honor God with all he has.

  2. I’m forty-one years old and to this day when I see my dad we hug and kiss immediately.  And several times while we are together, he will say for specific reasons and others not so specific, "I proud of you."
    Affection and words of affirmation are incredibly important.

  3. As a son I can say one of the best parts about having a Dad is having a wise counsel readily available.  Especially now that I’m in my early twenties trying to make it on my own, it’s great to have Dad there to call about financial stuff or just to talk about work stress. 

  4. From a father a son needs a role model, an encourager, a discipliner, a best friend but most importantly just love. From a mother a son needs a best friend, an encourager, a discipliner but most importantly just love.
    I think love covers a multitude of things. Give a child love and you are giving them everything they need.

  5. Affirmation, Affirmation and more affirmation. Mom and dad, but mostly from dad.  I look back at times my dad did not do those things and I am sad, I look upon the times that he did with a great amount of joy and peace.  Wisdom and direction both come from those times of affirmation. "I love you son, I like how you handled that situation, have you ever thought about it this way…" Affirmation that comes with some wisdom… truly priceless.  

  6. Milton,A great comment.  I agree with you completely.  So true about our culture sending many, many messages that "boys will be boys"–forever.It seems that many boys are just abandoned emotionally by their fathers (often when they need him most.)I also like very much about what you say regarding the role of a man. 

  7. Chris–What a blessing you have.  It says something about you that you will seek his counsel and that he is available and willing to give it.

  8. Richard (May)What a tribute to you and your Dad!  I have always had nothing but the highest respect for your dad.  This comment is one more reminder of why I deeply respect him.By the way–what a witness to your own children to be able to see this in their dad and grandfather.

  9. Richard (Graham),Very well said!  What you are saying is so true.  Love really does cover a multitude of things.  I don’t think there is ever a day when a son stops needing the love of his parents. 

  10. Carl,Thank you for reminding all of us of the importance and priceless nature of affirmation.  This is so true.  As you indicate, it’s absence is painful. 

  11. Thanks for your blog. I try to be there for my sons. I lost my father when I was a young boy . I missed him being there in my  best of times  and my worst of times.

  12. Tim,Having missed your father at some significant moments in your life, I suspect that you are very, very present in the lives of your own sons.  You must be a very good father. 

  13. This is a great post.  These are all good answers.  Unfortunately the men who need to hear all this advice don’t get it from their dads. because they were treated the same.  Or they don’t get it from any other resources either.  My father was in the military.  Add to that, he came from an Hispanic background.  So his idea of love was to put a roof over our heads, food on the table, and clothes on our back.  This answer didn’t come from him either.  I heard it from my step mother.   Because my father was in the military and he  separated from our mother when we were very young, we boys moved around a lot.  We were watched by paid caretakers or relatives.  The five years I finally did live with him, we spent no ‘one on one time’ together.  Dad was either watching television, working in the yard, behind the newspaper, at work, drinking with his friends, or disciplining us boys. Affection- yes, very important.  I never got any of that from my dad.  Love- yes, very important.  None was ever given by my dad in my eyes.Afirmation, yes also very important.  Never got any of that from my dad. Guidance, yes, very important.  Never got any guidance from my dad about life, sex, moral guidance, career, how to be a man, etc…. Funny, though he never gave me guidance into manhood, I distinctly remember throughout my life dad yelling at me and telling me I wasn’t a man!  Along with moving around a lot, which means no real sense of family or belonging, and the above reasons it left a big hole in my life.  So I was always looking for love everywhere else.  I was also a follower willing to follow anyone who would pay attention to me.  Spending most times with other families, getting into trouble, and even seeking sexual fulfillment from other men.  (Trying to get that love I never got from dad.) I grew up with no real sense of direction, self esteem, couldn’t make decisions, didn’t know how to build anything, didn’t care about sports, never wanted to grow up or old, and was more interested in having fun.So these are some of the things that happen when a boy doesn’t get what he needs from a dad.It’s great for you guys to constantly remind yourself about these issues.  But do more.  Spread the word.  If you see other young OR old men raising boys and the men are lacking in those areas with their sons……….. try to encourage and educate those guys in what they are doing!Just my own opinon.God bless those who listen to the Lord.Rey