This Morning

morning

Early this morning, I awoke feeling tired. Tired physically. Tired emotionally. Even more than feeling tired, I felt very dry. It has been a long, tiresome week (month) and I could feel it this morning.

Sometimes when I feel dry, I don’t feel like praying and God seems distant and removed. Yet, I have learned not to back away because of those feelings. I began reading from the Psalms. (Right now I am reading through the Psalms in the English Standard Version of the Bible.) I read the words, “My soul thirsts for God…” (42:1). Now that describes someone who is dry. I read five Psalms and sensed as I read that God had a word for me here. I have learned that my feelings should not determine whether or not I read the Bible. There is something about the discipline of just reading it anyway that is often blessed by God.

Lately, I have been reading a book by A. W. Tozer on worship. So this morning, I came across these words, “True worship is to be so personally and hopelessly in love with God that the idea of a transfer of affection never even remotely exists.” (Tozer on Worship and Entertainment) It was a reminder that God has no rival. I am deeply loved by God and I have no idea where else I would transfer the affection and delight that I find in him. That was a reminder that my relationship with God is more than a composite of theological truths but is a vibrant, passionate relationship with someone who deeply loves and delights in me.

I then went outside to pray. It was still dark but I could hear the creek rushing. I could still see a few stars. I began to pray. I prayed for a heart that desires to worship (as a total life response to God) him above all else. I prayed for the day, that I might not be governed by my feelings (I am off today and will be at home) but will love my wife and daughter who are here.

Somehow, starting a day like this just helps me to get centered again. At times I feel like a wheel on a car that is out of balance. Consequently, that particular side of the car shakes and excessively vibrates. It is only when the wheel is balanced again that the car rides smoothly again. I realize that the ride in life isn’t is not always all that smooth. But, I don’t want it to be because my heart was out of balance.

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