The following post was written by two guest writers, Duane and Kristina. Together they write a blog called Our Marriage Restored which focuses on the healing of marriages which have been in crisis. Much of their ministry on this blog reflects their own story in which they experienced marital crisis and then later the restoration of their marriage. To find out more about their ministry, you can find their blog here.
Marriages can be saved, restored, transformed and renewed.
In case you have not heard it before …
marriage IS worth fighting for!
We applaud each person/couple who is fighting for their marriage. Society tells us that if you have been hurt badly, it is okay to quit fighting! We say don’t quit!
There are so many issues that can devastate a marriage. It is hard to talk with each other and confront even the small issues in marriage. Many often think it is easier to punch out than to press on, especially when the BIG issues are at hand! It is hard to begin mending what was shattered.
Let us tell you that restoration can come about and lives can be transformed!
We tell this to you who may already know our story. You are reading this and saying I know this happens. Why are you saying this again?
Why? We know many people who don’t believe their marriage can be restored!
Honestly, if we had read the above sentences when we were in our crisis, we would have agreed with you. Even after we reconciled and began to move on from our crisis, we often thought that divorce would still have been easier than having to rebuild trust, heal hurt, and relearn how to be happily married.
The truth is … it was so worth it!
We continue to grow together as a couple. We still have tough conversations and dig deep into learning what makes us who we are. We don’t ever want to quit progressing or become “content” again! Contentment made us stagnant. Becoming stagnant led to a discontentment that allowed BIG PROBLEMS to creep in!
We don’t regret any of the conversations that have kept us up all night. We don’t regret the moments we have cried together about the hurt we have experienced. These steps brought us to the life we now have. What was once so messed up has changed into something so beautiful.
Reconciling is hard and takes a lot of really hard work! We can tell you that the immediate work and the intensity of the hurt by far outweigh the ongoing hurt of separation and divorce.
It can’t be accomplished alone. You need to find good support (church, friends, etc.) that can pray for you and hold you up in the hard times. We encourage you to seek out a pastor and/or a Christian counselor to help guide you in this path of restoration.
VERY IMPORTANT … Don’t forget to seek God and his word to lead you into a new season in your life! We know that without God in our life our story would be totally different! He is the glue that binds us together!